Unsaid

You know what's great about food, if you're always eating you don't have to worry about talking.

Photos by Laura Sioux Studios

There are so many things that I want to say that I often don't. As many of us, tend to do.

Why do we shy away from these topics and insecurities? I'm not sure. I wonder who started teaching us that saying how we feel was a distraction or unnecessary. What I usually regret most, is what I never said. Perhaps we wouldn't be so insecure if we opened the gates to these unsaid words. If we had faith in others and ourselves to be secure enough to voice all the unsaid words.

Unsaid words like:

I get sad and I mean really sad, sometimes I would rather not be an active participant in this world. There have been many times that I have been at an event or work where I found myself fantasizing about the darkness instead of focusing on being a light.

Unsaid words like:

I want to be loved and in my most authentic way. I want people to see me the way I see myself when I'm most proud of who I am. As the artist, as a creator, as a vibrant human being who leaves little rainbows with every step. To be loved in a way that has no bounds that feels like heaven on earth. Yup, I'm saying it.

I want to be seen and loved in the corky ways that can only be explained with dancing around my one bedroom apartment exchanging awkward shakes of the hips and loud giggles. Loved in a way, where being embarrassed doesn't exist, where I can feel its vibrations and know it's depths by a simple smile.

Let's face it, I know what you're thinking, this isn't just a love I want from a man, husband or boyfriend, but love like this from friends and family, a love from God, to be fully known and seen. Where we can share a spirit of love so deep people are confused by the way we handle problems and trouble, almost as if they don't exist.

Unsaid words like:

I'm not the perfect Christian, and while I know that most people know this, it is still hard to process. Knowing that the love of God can't be earned. Trying not to go to a dark place when you sinned. Working to be a life long learner and trust that the plans God has for me.

Unsaid works like:

I'm sorry. Yes, to you. I'm sorry that I haven't been fully transparent or that I haven't figured out how to make it up to you or that I still haven't figured out how to forgive you. We don't ask for forgiveness enough, we don't plead to the people we love enough to understand how we could have hurt them even in the smallest of deeds. I'm sorry to my parents, for the years of not understanding the sacrifices they made. Sorry to my little brother for not being the best role model. Sorry to my friends for putting to much pressure on them.

Unsaid words like:

I missed my opportunity. It is my fault. I didn't work hard enough and I failed myself and God. I didn't invest in my talents and purpose.

Unsaid words like:

I'm trying, I hope someone understands me and sees that. I know that perfection is overrated and doesn't add to productivity. I will work harder, write more, love others, give and be an example for those wanting to grow. I'm trying everyday. I will keep moving forward. Please know that I'm trying.

xo Kait xo